Loneliness is the one thing many of us will do anything to avoid experiencing in life. This is because most people are unaware that it is a state of mind and not a reality. The reason most of our clients seek our services is because they do not want to be alone. It is a daunting thought to think your happiness or serenity is tied to the presence of someone else. Above all though, it is not true.
Loneliness
Loneliness opens the gates of the subconscious, forcing us to confront ourselves. People have traumas, disappointments and secrets. All these things resurface in the presence of silence, along with our goals, hopes and dreams. Yet, depending on one’s state of mind, we will focus on what scares us most. Someone once said to me “I just want to open the door and know that someone is there”. How peculiar, I thought. This kind of loneliness is often marked by an extreme sense of isolation. This individual did not care who or what was on the other side of the door, they just wanted to open the door and not be confronted by their past. The kind of danger this escape from loneliness exposes us is unsurmountable. The idea that anything is better then listening to our inner voice is deadly, because it means we are willing to drag anyone to fill that void.
Solitude
Two people can coexist in the same space but have completely different experiences. One can be alone and feel lonely, and the other can be alone and feel solitude. People who view being alone as solitude often have a positive outlook in life and of themselves. They enjoy their thoughts. They use this time to learn, discover, analyze, reflect, build and meditate. In other words, alone time is an opportunity for self-development and growth. For them company is an option and not a necessity since they view finding peace within themselves is imperative. Despite popular belief, the presence of others does not guaranty tranquility. Solitude on the other hand, when experienced and enjoyed, provides positive results. Practicing solitude gives us freedom because we can develop to become who we want to be. It gives us power by letting us choose who to be surrounded with. It gives us confidence and independence by teaching us self-reliance.
Alone with others
What we spend a lot of time teaching our clients is that being alone is not detrimental, and that it is up to each individual to decide what to do with their free time. Of course, we can focus on seeing what is missing in our life, and we should do that as well, from time to time, to understand how to resolve it. We constantly inform them that we can be in a room full of people and still experience loneliness, and that the presence of others is not a guarantee of harmony. Believe it or not, we are the only ones who can give ourselves serenity since we are the ones in control of our emotions.
Loneliness is a choice
The only way to avoid this sense of isolations is to purposefully engage in life. We all have incredible gifts within us, which should not be wasted. Reach out in your community. There are those of us who are stranded to a hospital bed without any relatives to provide us comfort. Volunteer to read books to children, volunteer in soup kitchens to feed another human. Sign up for Big Brothers Big Sisters of America to change the destiny of a child. Tutor English to immigrants and use it as an opportunity to learn a new culture. The sky is the limit when it comes to finding ways to fill the void. We do not have to experience loneliness, because despite what you think, you are: OH, SO NEEDED!
