What should I do?
I am tempted to settle for her. So I’m in a position where I’m into dating, but my search so far has been really frustrating. I’ve been trying online dating and apps, but all of those dates have gone quite poorly, and I’m also really struggling connecting with girls in person.
The only girl whom I have a real shot at is this one girl who frequently comes shopping into the store that I work at. She typically comes in for coffee, and I’ve been thinking of asking her out, but a couple of weeks ago I got a warning from one of her friends (a coworker of mine) to not date this girl, citing her racism, entitlement, spoiled attitude, and stalkerish behavior. Granted, I haven’t experienced any of this behavior from this girl in person, I’m just going off of hearsay from her former friend.
I know that she comes off as a piece of work, but I’ve reached a point where I’m seriously thinking to just settle. She’s my only option at this point, and I don’t know what else to do. She’s really pretty, and I think I have a pretty good chance with her. I suppose I can excuse some of her behavior (if it’s true) so long as she just makes for a good girlfriend. What do you think?
Hi Settler,
Your approach to partnership is atypical. While I do understand the difficulty of finding someone through a dating app, and the intimidation that comes with in-person interactions, there should be some middle ground before settling for the first person who orders coffee from us with a smile.
CHANCE
You seem convinced that you have a chance with the coffee-shop-girl. May I ask why? Has she ever given you a sign beyond common courtesy and basic human civility that can lead you to think you can settle for her? Also why are we settling for someone and not with someone. I don’t know of a single person, including yourself, who would be happy with knowing the person they are with settled for them because dating was a daunting process.
SELF-SERVING DECISIONS
Your desire to settle with the first person to say yes is not beneficial to you either. Do you want to be with someone just because you have never had your first experiences yet? If that is the case, there is no need to settle. You can experiment and explore the same way everyone one else did.
STEPS
My concern with your approach is that you are taking shortcuts to get to the end of the journey. Alas, this attitude will only deprive you of the joy that comes from living the full experience. Regardless of how discouraging it may seem, the fun in dating is the chase, the conquest, the getting to know the person, the making plans, the sharing of moments – which become memories – the exposure to new experiences and ideas that come from being with someone. Why would you want to give all this up just to settle?
GRAIN OF SALT
Notwithstanding the idea or topic, it is prudent to take whatever anybody says with a grain of salt. Your coworker/ex-friend of coffee-shop-girl, may know something you do not or may be a spiteful individual. It is common knowledge for people to paint others in a bad light, especially if there is something to gain from the spread of misinformations. It is also sagacious to keep information in the back of one’s head, and proceed with caution whenever we interact with someone new.
STARTING
Do not invent the wheel. No one settled into a relationship from the get go. Start by asking her out. See if she accepts. If she does, go out with her, get to know her, and see if you like her. You may want to take in consideration that she also has feelings, and she will have to decide if you are who she wants to settle with/for. There are certain things in life you don’t rush. Falling in love, trusting someone, thinking you know someone, making life changing decisions, and dating encompassess all of these at once.
Good luck,
Reference
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