Good morning,

My dad is terminally ill. He was diagnosed with an incurable disease that has taken away his ability to walk and speak around a year and a half ago.

I’ll make a long story short. My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years. We still live 3.5 hours away until we get married in a few months. My fiancé and mom do not get along for various reasons. But things have finally started to progress in the right direction.

My fiancé wants me to go over to see my parents once a week, at the absolute most. When I go over there it’s to see my Dad and spend some time with him, but she views it as going over to be with my mom. That’s not the case at all.

Is going over to see my terminally ill dad 2 times a week too much? She thinks it’s way even though we aren’t living together.

 

 

Good morning to you, too.

I want to start this response by asking you: who the hell are you getting married to? Your finance sounds like an absolute nightmare, not to mention a heartless partner. Why should your visits to your terminally ill dad be limited to once a week? What part of terminally or ill is she struggling to comprehend? You do not have much time left, so any free moment you have, you should be encouraged to spend it with him. This is the time for you to tell him everything he meant to you.

This is also an opportunity for you to support your mother as she goes through this difficult time. Right now she is focused on being of comfort to your dad, which means she needs someone to look after her. Whatever has transpired up to this point with between your fiancé and your mother, now it is time to set it aside because there are other things that take precedent. Anyone with an ounce of common sense would be able to see that, but not your girl.

 

WHERE IS THE LOVE?

The last thing someone with a terminally ill parent needs is negativity. In these dire times, her role to you should be supportive. She should not add any more stress than the one you already are experiencing. I do not want to state the obvious, but what is the use of having a partner, if you cannot count on them in your times of need? Your fiancé has every right to not go visit your terminally ill father. Nonetheless, she does not have the right to decide so for you as well.

Sit her down, and – very firmly- let her know that you love your parents, and right now they both need you. Inform her your time with your father is limited, and that you will use every minute of your spare time to see him and be there for him. Make her understand how her behavior and demands are concerning you, and how they are making you question your desire to have a future with her. Explain to her the expectation you have for the ideal partner you want in your life, and how miserably short she is falling from that.

Finally, I want to leave you by telling you how sorry I am you are going through this. I hope you get to enjoy whatever time you have left with him. My warmest of well wishes to your mother, too. Losing someone after a lifetime together is gut-wrenching. I would seriously consider my future with this individual. She seems more concerned with her needs than others. Even the most self-absorbed person knows death has no completion. Well, everyone except your Mrs. to be.

 

Good luck

References

 

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