Query: My best friend, whom I know from past nine years, is dating two men at the same time. We both are 27 years old and understand what is right and wrong in life. She is completely okay with duping these two men but somehow, I have lost respect for her. It is against my ethics and I have tried explaining to her what she is doing is wrong. Unfortunately, she argues with me by saying she has her own life and no man is a saint. Should I break my friendship with her or simply tolerate what all she is doing? – By Anonymous
“No law can be sacred to me but that of my nature. Good and bad are but names very readily transferable to that or this; the only right is what is after my constitution, the only wrong what is against it”. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Dear Anonymous 27,
We hope you are doing well.
Reading your email made me chuckle. I believe your outlook sheds light on the world we now live in.
We are currently dealing with conformity like never before. One must like the same thing, agree and see things the same way, agree we feel the same thing etc. We are being forced to abandon our individuality for avoiding criticism, and that is just unfair. Waldo Emerson, one of my favorite philosophers, stated that imitation is suicide. Therefore, if your friend behaves exactly as you do, she would be doing disservice to the greatest gift she has been given: her identity. The same goes for you.
We often think that if someone is not like us, they are wrong. This is a reductive way of honoring “identity”. Your morals and your values are exactly that: yours! Not hers. I don’t have to live my life based on your belief systems or your principles. We each have the right to believe in our own ideals. That is what makes us an individual and exceptional. Emerson stated that nothing is sacred but the integrity of your OWN mind.
Freedom to be who you want to be
You are a young lady that likes to date one person at the time. She, however, can handle more than that, so why should she limit herself? Also, this friend is still dating. She is not engaged nor married. Why should she feel ashamed of the fact that she has more than one admirer?
Friendship has no conditions. I believe a friend is someone you can be yourself with. And If you are willing to cancel a friend because she dares to live her life how she wants to, you will have a lonely and difficult time on this earth. You have stated your opinion and she has defended hers. I am sure there are other things that connect your bond. Why not focus on those? What else does your friend bring to the table, besides her dating life? What else do you bring to the table besides your ethics? Why not continue to share your differences and grow from those?
If you want to have the right to be who you are, please respect the same right for everyone else.
We wish you much success and positive growth.
Reference
https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/ask-the-expert/my-best-friend-is-dating-two-men-simultaneously-how-should-i-explain-her-she-is-treading-the-wrong-path/articleshow/66429933.cms
