Query:
My partner wants separate bedrooms when we move in together in a month. We found a wonderful place and are super excited. The two of us have been together for nearly two years and due to the pandemic, spend nearly every day together. Currently have our own places, so we live separately.
He has made it very clear that he needs his own space. He is insistent that he wants separate bedrooms. The idea to me is basically repulsive. I have made it clear that this is not something I want for my lifelong term. He agreed, but thinks for now, especially due to the pandemic, this is a good idea.
How do I get over feeling mortified about this? I have made it clear that I do not want to tell our friends and family about our sleeping arrangements, and that if we have them over, doors will be closed. He seems to think this is ridiculous. I am trying hard to be understanding, but the idea of people knowing makes me want to throw up. Does anyone have any advice how to move beyond this?
Hi there,
Your partner’s desire to sleep in separate bedrooms is part of a growing trend for couples. There are many reasons why couples prefer to sleep in separate bedrooms, and it often has nothing to do with a dooming relationship. He may be looking for an adjustment period. It may feel suffocating to go from having your space to sharing a room with someone all at once. He may want to ease the transition, and make sure he is with you because he chooses to and not because he is now stuck.
CONCERNS
Why are you concerned with your loved knowing about the details of your living arrangement? What are you afraid separate bedrooms says about you? It is obvious you give more weight to perception than reality. If you are in a relationship where your partner is requesting separate rooms, and you have accepted it, who cares who knows and who does not. You are the one having the experience.
ROAD AHEAD
The best way to go beyond this is to set the living arrangements which are beneficial to you and your partner’s wellbeing. Sleeping is separate bedrooms does not mean you do not have a good relationship, just like sleeping in the same one does not guarantee you do. Avoid being hung up on appearances. Look at this way. You are in the same relationship you have been thus far. The only difference is that you no longer have to drive to see him. Now you open the door and: poof, there he is.
FOCUS
By having separate bedrooms, you will be able to continue to have the life you built for yourself, a good night sleep, freedom to arrange the room as you wish, have a girlfriend over to watch a movie with and eat junk food in bed, be intimate when you want to, have a place to go when you need to cool off from an argument, and continue to have privacy. Life is what you make it. This living arrangement can help you both preserve your identity. It can help you become a stronger couple. Give it a try and if you still find yourself disliking it, then suggest the change you want to see.
References
www.reddit.com
