Query:
I had a very colourful past but now I have found the girl I want to marry and settle down with. She is a simple girl, unlike the ones I have dated in the past. I want to protect her from my past and so I have stopped interacting with my old friends. I hate it when they bring up anecdotes from my past and I don’t want to hurt the girl. Am I doing the right thing?
Hi there,
This must be a great time in your life. There is nothing better than finding the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. That being said, let us address your concerns. Why don’t you trust your friends and what are you afraid your partner will find out? Regardless of what you have been through, your past is part of you. That means you cannot avoid it or run from it. Nothing you have done should keep you from living your life.
FRIENDS OR FOES
You either have friends or you do not. If these people are indeed your friends, then you should be able to trust them, and they should have your back. That is the definition of friendship. If you do not trust them to keep your secrets, or to allow you to discuss the things you are comfortable discussing with your partner, when you are ready, maybe it is not ideal to call them friends. Then you will have no need to introduce them to her.
FOUNDATION
If you are to build a relationship, especially one meant to last a lifetime, wouldn’t you want it founded on honesty and transparency? Why do you feel the need to shield her from your past, when whatever you have been through, has shaped you into the man she fell in love with? Life is about second, third, forth chances. Every day we are given is yet another chance to be better than we were. She is going to appreciate and admire you more for telling her about your past willingly rather than because your hand was forced.
ON THE RUN
There is no denying this. It is better to live life facing our demons instead of running from them. If your solution to avoiding your partner finding out about your past is to hide from those who know about it, it is a short term plan. You are going to spend the rest of your life panicking and stressing for nothing, because she will eventually find out. The bible states, ‘For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open’. Bite the bullet and tell her. If she is to accept you, which I am sure she will – unless you killed someone – she should do so because she knows all of you, that includes the part of you rated R.
Good fortune.
https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/
