Query:
Hi, my wife and my mother are two completely different people and do not get along well. My wife and I live separately from my parents, and we have a happy married life. The only problem is my wife is very adamant that she will never visit my parents’ place. Because of her, even our kids have been influenced and do not like to go there. My mother and wife have no big issues between them and I personally feel she is reacting way too much. She does not think how our relatives would react or how it makes me feel disturbed. She needs to understand that her bond with my mother is fragile and she should keep her ego aside. How should I discuss this thing with her? – By Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I Hope you are seeing better days than when you wrote this email.
It is more common for in-laws not to get along than it is to, so don’t feel alone in your challenges.
Reading your email made me think about cultural differences, but also about human nature. In your letter you state “my wife is very adamant that she will never visit my parents’ place”. What prompted this declaration to take place?
You mention there are no major problems between your mother and your wife, and you believe she is overreacting. However, this fracture in their relationship has lasted long enough to where your children are now grown and taking sides, too.
Peace above everything
Although I understand social appearances, is it your wife’s problem to really worry about what your relatives think, on top of her own challenges? Why is it that it is just your wife who should keep her ego aside? Believe me when I say, I understand about cultural expectations, but no cultural or social norm can supersede mental peace. What is your mother willing to do to repair this relationship? How are you trying to be a mediator between the two?
Right now, all I see is you saying my wife has a problem with my mother and she needs to get over her ego and make it work. This doesn’t showcase empathy or compassion. It just seems like you have a problem and you just want it to disappear without anyone having to do the work, except your wife.
It is time for you to have a listening session with both the leading ladies in your life. You must try to understand and address what caused the fracture in the first place is. I suggest you make time to sit down to listen, and not talk or give instructions. Sometimes being heard is the only cure needed.
We wish you resolution and success in building a harmonious family.
Keep us informed of your progress.
