We have all been there. OK Cupid, Match.com, POF, Bumble…and the list goes on and on. We see someone good looking, so we send what we think is a thoughtful message and the nightmare begins. We either never hear from them or it goes like this: Do you have more pictures? Are these recent pics? Do you have naughty pics? What’s your Instagram?
My question is: are you looking to get to know me or book me for a photo shoot? Our generation’s obsession with image is becoming asphyxiating. We are more focused on the virtual world rather than the one we live in. Many of my clients are exasperated; they say the endless request for superficial information wears them out and ultimately makes them loose interest in the person they are talking to.
What is a dating app?
A dating app should be just a meeting spot, not a place where never-ending data is exchanged. Three pictures should give you an idea of what someone looks like. A brief discussion (eight to ten questions) to establish if there is interest beyond the physical attraction should be next, to be followed by a phone number exchange. We should not be going from a dating app to an email exchange or to yet another app to continue the conversation. Men and women are fed up of the time we waste on gadgets.
Many women say, men don’t call anymore. Men say women make them feel old if the ask to talk on the phone. We are all looking to connect and have a profound effect on someone’s life, but we are being distracted by every new trend and feel inadequate or outdated if we don’t follow them, which is now known as FOMO (fear of missing out). Although the goal of technology is to simplify life and save time, we tend to overcomplicate things by worrying what others might think of us, if we say what is on our mind.
How to stand out
When using a dating app, here is an example of how an interaction should be like. Let’s say we are on Ok Cupid, and we see someone attractive. The first step is to compose a thoughtful introductory message. Do not send any “Hi” or “Hey”, for you will not hear from them nor me. Ideally, we should have a template ready. Yes, template. Just like the cover letter which accompanies your resume. Here is an example:
HI____________________,
My name is_____________. I was surfing here when I came across your profile. I must say you have a beautiful/interesting/captivating (add something from their profile)
- Smile
- Dog
- View
- Vacation
- Reading list
- Taste in music
- Virtual Life
- Taste in wardrobe
I wanted to take the time to say hello and tell you a little bit about myself. I am newly single, so I can officially say I will never get used to these dating gadgets. I passed your profile, loved your look, read what you are into and I think I like what I found. Your personality sounds honest, your taste in __________ amazing, and I wanted to see if you would be interested in getting to know each other. I would love to hear your take on how this app is treating you, thus far.
Happy
- Cyber Monday
- Taco Tuesday
- Hump day
- Thirsty Thursday
- Weekend
This little note will help you: first, stand out of the crowed. Second, it shows you put in effort. Lastly, it is confident and not desperate. Even if we never hear back from the person, we walk away with our dignity intact. Dating, whether it is online or in person, is fun. Be confident, be free and always enjoy the process. Remember, a let-down will ultimately be a funny story for/on the date with the one.
